FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE, PART 3  

Sex-Partner Search Engines And The Women Who Use Them.                

© 2008 by Arthur Godfrey, Ph.D.

A Velocity Press Report  

Executive Summary  

"About 16 million Americans suffer from compulsive sexual behavior, the least understood of all addictions. A third are women," according to Time Magazine.(7/16/07) . A large new search engine segment has arisen of men seeking partners for sex, and women seeking men for sex and “LTR” (Long-Term Relationships), i.e. marriage.  One-half percent of all women and 5% of all men over the age of 18 living in Massachusetts advertise for sex partners if you can believe the claims of AdultFriendFinder.com (“AFF”), which bills itself as “The World's Largest Sex & Swinger Personals site.” That is a very large quantity of people.  This also indicates that ten times as many men are looking as women.   [ED note Jan 07: See new metrics at bottom.]

The average age of “women seeking men” is 41.6 years old, (but this is self-reporting and probably on the low side). However, women as young as 19 and as old as 70 posted their listings. Nearly 80% of the women are between 34 to 49 years old. AFF claims to have 18 million subscribers from what looks like every country in the world. (Velocity believes they might have about 6 million active subscribers--still a big number.) Two other US sites are Alt.com. and Hotmatchup.com. Adultdiscreet.com is a specialty search engine for married people desiring to commit adultery. (It certainly takes a very special type of intelligence to admit on a public forum that you are married and looking to commit adultery on the side.)

 

Ad Space Censored by Google AdSense

While the men are universally looking for sex partners (male or female), the women who were “seeking” men were primarily looking for “LTR” (Long term Relationships). In order to attract these men, most women advertise their availability by posting headshots of themselves and by describing what sex acts they most enjoy. The most anxious post photos of their breasts or genitalia to underscore their sexual availability. But the true intentions of the large majority are revealed as they  hint at, or proclaim stridently that "married men need not reply."  Most, not wishing to scare any prospective husband off, do not mention the requirement for a LTR, but will not respond to any inquiries if the inquiring man seems to be attached or married, no matter how otherwise desirable.  

A significant number (~10%?) described themselves as nymphomaniacs, i.e., sex addicts, using terms such as “multi-orgasmic,” and phrases such as “need a man with an insatiable sex drive.” Others of this type ask for “hours of nonstop sex” or proclaim their availability for sex as “24/7, 5 times a day.”   Most of the women wanted a man who was comfortable in discussing their mutual sexual likes and dislikes in considerable detail.  This is another trait uncommon in less sexually active women.

Almost as many women seeking men are women seeking women, i.e. 45% of the women seeking sex partners are lesbians.  Since the percentage of lesbianism  is said to hover around 5%, this suggests that the women who are attracted to sex engine search sites are (obviously) highly sexually charged, a condition that does not reflect the status of the general population. In other words, there are probably as many heterosexual nymphomaniacs as lesbians in the general population.  Which raises the cosmic question: Is a high sex drive a natural component of homosexuality? There are many "Bi-curious" women; ostensibly heterosexual women with an elevated sex drive who are desirous of experimenting with female partners.   

But who are the real women who advertise for sex on these sites, and how do they describe themselves?  

I'm a 59yr old but look in my 40's i'm 5ft and petite. Passionate ,caring, easygoing, outgoing, Friendly and very honest. Love to go dancing and sometimes sing. Not much i won't try at least once. Compassionate and understanding. Easy to talk to. Also have a great sense of humor and don't play head games. Like to have fun and laugh and be happy. Well if your interested send me a message. PS: Just single guys, Over 40 years old. Please don't write if you are younger.  

What do the women request for who they are looking for as sex partners?  Here is a typical request for her “Ideal Person.”  

Ideal Person:
I'm looking for a passionate caring guy that is not afford to show his feelings. Honest and good sense of humor, easygoing and outgoing. Likes to laugh and joke around. Active not a couch potato. Just an all around single guy. Please no head games . I'm not in this program just for sex, looking for Someone That wants to go out and do things and have fun to.

Ideal Person:
Seeking a passionate, honest, self-assured, successful man for dining and intimate dates. Please have an adventurous, open-minded soul.

Ideal Person:
Looking for a man who knows how to treat a lady when out and how we would choose when in. He must be attentive to my needs as well as his own. Honesty in his dealings with me is a must! I do not like nor do I tolerate liars. Passion and a spark in your soul for life is a must. He must be able to say what he means and mean what he says, he has to be able to take charge and be aggressive and also know when not to be.......... Be spontaneous at times in doing things and yet you also need to know when to call ahead to make plans with me. Being a man of your word is expected. If you can't be honest with me then please don't contact me.

Can you tell much about a woman based on these descriptions?  We found you could not. First, it soon be came apparent that AFF offers the subscriber a script from which to select phrases.  Half of the profiles were nothing more than script segments pasted together.  As such they came across as dead and made the subscribers indistinguishable from one another.

And second, even if original, you never really knew what a woman wanted. Here is one woman's self-description:

I'm 51 years old and looking for a good man. i love to laugh and kiss. i also love the beach, dinner out, or a quiet night getting to know you. maybe a fire and some wine. let`s chat!

My Ideal Person:
I'm looking for a good man and someone who loves the same things i do. loves to cuddle and watch a movie. Someone who loves to watch it snow during the winter. A man that knows what he wants in a good woman like me.

Sounds like your typical down-home mousey type, doesn't it?  Well this young lady (<5-ft, 44D) had 8 men attesting to her charms--and those are only the volunteers!

Some women advertise services they wish to provide to men that would make a sailor blush.  These women often describe themselves as “multi-orgasmic,” or hoping for sexual intercourse 3 to 5 times a day, but requiring it at least once a day.  Since no one man could possibly keep himself up for such a schedule, these women are clearly looking for a stable of stallions to be always at hand.  It has long been the dream of single young men to find such women and, as long, the suspicion that they don’t really exist. AFF shows that perhaps 10% of the women advertising here are asking for as much sex—-and more--than any man could possible deliver.  

Some women are foxes in sheep’s clothing. Here is one woman who, innocently enough is:  

Looking for a sensitive but caring man for a intimate moments and to share precious life with. 

But her hand is tipped by her handle: “EroticMama69.”  To prove her bona fides, she has six middle-aged men (with photos, several with their erections on display) attesting to this woman’s "sensitive and caring" nature.  

Hot names are just another of the kindling used to arouse viewers’ lust.

Aswallower
EZTEASER
Mouthwhore2
Ready4fun1945
LustGoddess2469
xplicitdtails77
titgiver66
lovessuckin2  

Here are some overall observations of who these women are (sample size 500):  

1. The reported height of the sample is 5-ft, 4.7-inches. This is slightly above the national average of 5 ft, 4-inches for American women.  However, the more available women average less, around 5-ft 3-inches.  (“More available” means women who did not refuse married men, who were not looking for Long Term Relationships or who even permitted one-night stands.)
2. While the average self-reported bra size is 36C, a clear majority of those women less stringent about a man’s marital state describe themselves as “ample,” that is overweight, with bra sizes of  40 D to 44DD being common. 
3. Seven times as many women list themselves as Catholic than Protestant, but the sample was too small for that statistic to have much validity.  A greater number listed themselves as “Other,” usually meaning “Spiritual.” 
4. Out of roughly 500 posters, only one woman described herself as Jewish. Since there is a separate Jewish posting (http://jewishfriendfinder.com) this is presumably to find a non-Jewish partner.
5. AFF is predominantly White. Very few (5%?) of the posters are black or Hispanic.  There is no separate Black or Hispanic posting run by AdultFriendFinders.
6. Slightly less than half of the women reported having “some college.” An equal lesser number were either high school graduates or had done some graduate work. Many did not report their education, and one suspects that those would mostly be high-school graduates or less.
7. 95% want “a man who is honest, humorous (makes me laugh) and knows what he wants in life and knows how to care for a lady.”
8.  A small but significant number of women request or require “a well-hung man,” And many of these specifically request a black men “with a large package.”  (A few women give specific minimum size requirements and want photos as proof of adequacy! before meeting!)
9. Every woman’s bio sampled indicates that dildos and electric clitoral stimulators (vibrators) are used—and used frequently--if no partner is available.   This is a clear indication of the highly-charged nature of the AFF group and its difference to average females. 

The Elephant in the Room.  

What are the overriding elements surrounding SPSE?  There are 4: 

1. With a 10:1 advantage in number of men seekers vs women seekers, the old T-Shirt slogan is in effect: “The Person with the Pussy Makes the Rules.”  Except for the lowest rung of the desirability ladder, women control the situation completely. The response rate is at least 100:1 in favor of women. They can be and are very choosy.
2. These women live under a sexual thrall which controls how they operate.  They want a powerful sex partner, but only as a captive male chained to their waist.  Yet perhaps 10% of women are so highly-sexed, they willingly engage in sex with no strings attached, and claim to be "turned-on" either all the time or at a moment’s notice. Many of this subsector make no requirements as to age, good looks, etc. Unlike average women, they do not feel constrained by the normative social mores.
3. 90% of men, on the other hand, would prefer to engage in sex without making any commitment if they could. Indeed, they are frightened of any entangling alliances, and will turn tail if they see them coming. Women don’t want desirable men to run away and, believing in the power of their allure, pretend that the sex is available for free, and while offering it, (but before acquiescing) strenuously attempt to discover if the man is "unattached."  This dynamic pressures both sides to lie to each other: The women lie to the men suggesting that the sex is for free; the men lie by telling the women that they are open to a serious Long Term Relationship.
4. This has the effect of forcing women to create a dog whistle vocabulary (only the dogs can hear it). They know if they demand LTR or marriage up front they’ll scare most men away, so they couch this requirement in code phrases. 

Here are some examples of this universal code:

Ideal Person:
hi you must be honest, loving, caring, and want to have fun, with being with a good woman, our love making will be wild , i love to kiss and cuddle and feel your body laying next to me, gosh i love to touch you, love to make you hotter for me and then we will drive each other wild. will kiss you all over

Ideal Person: i am a big woman, very passionate, loving, caring, love to have fun, with that special man, looking for a companionship and friendship, long and short term don't want a 1 nite stand, just be honest with me

Ideal Person:
i am looking for someone that can keep me happy and always wanting more not looking for one night stands i need a man that wants it as much as i do if not more if you are looking for someone to have sex with once in awhile don't bother me looking for more then that

Then there is the large proportion--at least one third--of women who are quite clear about the status of the men they seek—NOT MARRIED.

Looking for a long term relationship with a healthy, intelligent SINGLE man. I am a stubborn, intelligent, independent woman, with a lot of miles still left. I am updating my profile to try to screen out married men, so please, you married men will not be someone who interests me...there seems to be an abundance of you out there. I am selfish, I want a man who treats me as someone worth something more than a side-dish. So if you are married, look elsewhere, please. You single men will find someone who stands on her own two feet, is honest, healthy and sane. I will be worth the time to get to know me. I know there is someone out there who the right partner for me.  

UPDATE: IF YOU ARE A GAME PLAYER, THEN STOP READING RIGHT HERE AND NOW AND KEEP MOVING RIGHT ALONG TO THE NEXT PROFILE. I'VE HAD ENOUGH WITH THE IMMATURE B.S. AND HEADGAMES. IF YOU'RE NOT CAPABLE OF BEING HONEST, RESPECTFUL AND COURTEOUS, THEN I HAVE NO DESIRE TO BE GRACED WITH YOUR PRESENCE. SORRY IF THIS COMES OFF AS BITCHY, BUT I'VE HAD ENOUGH!  

(Here's a pay-per click ad for AFF to help pay to keep up this site. Google Adsense refused to allow any of their ads on this essay.)

J
 

Code Word	Meaning		Code Word	Meaning
If she says you	She means you		If she says you	She means you
must be:	must be:		must be:	must be:
available	Not married		caring	Not married
Honest	Not married		family-oriented	Not married
no head games	Not married		no baggage	Not married
no time for games	Not married		soulmate	Not married
a good man	Not married		wholesome	Not married
the right person	Not married		positive outlook	Not married
the right man	Not married		relationship	Not married
Mr. Right	Not married		wants to travel	Not married
Gentleman	Not married		ready to spend time	Not married
caring	Not married		enjoy life with	Not married
serious	Not married		soulmate	Not married
sincere	Not married		someone to share...	Not married
respect	Not married		best friend	Not married
a companion	Not married		a partner	Not married
relationship	Not married

Here area few code phrases and their underlying meaning:

Code Phrase	Meaning
If she says she is	She means she
Just a regular gal	is homely
Young at heart	is old in body
but I have been told I look..	is insecure
to meet a nice guy	wants to get married
a special lady	has a low self image
a special lady	is a gold-digger
that special someone	wants you to be be single
take vacations with	wants you to be be single
to have a fun weekend	wants you to be be single
all you need is me	wants you to be be single
go  to places I've never been	wants you to be be single
Friend with benefits	we play, you pay
a man who knows how to treat a lady	we play, you pay

Perhaps the most overlooked clue is the member's reply to the question: "Willing to relocate?" Willing to relocate??  Why would any woman not secretly interested in getting married answer "Prefer not to say," "maybe," or "yes" to that question?

But there are some women who don't care if you're married.

Here is one enterprising hooker’s pitch: 

36, single, 46DDD's (all natural!), Ebony, Voluptuous/BBW. I am located in the Boston area, but can travel all over New England .Please no one under the age of 40 (I will not respond to you, if you are). Also, NO COUPLES, for I am NOT bi. Also, I don't do meet and greets, for I am a one-on-one type of lady here (but thanks for the invites, just the same).. winks And there is the hard core:

Ideal Person:
I like people that are sure about who they are and enjoy life. I am not looking for someone who wants to go out to dinner or any stuff like that; I am looking for sex, not marriage. I don't need a lot of warm up time, I am hot all the time and when I meet you I will want to pull out your tool and ***************************. Last thing is I expect honesty from my partner. That’s why this might turn some of you guys off. you will have a great F***!

Ideal Person:
I only date black men, and men who are really close to 10" and larger. I crave the sexual pain larger men give me and I like all the other things dom[inent] men do to me and make me do.

And, of course, let us not forget the complete hayseed:

Q:	Which is your favorite position and why?
A:	ANY WAY. BECAUSE I HAVE NOT TRYED MUCH MORE THEN THIS.

  
Tools of the Trade 

Dildos/Vibrators, Butt plugs/probes, Anal/Climax beads, Cock ring, Ben Wa balls, Clit stimulators (battery operated), Strap-ons, Vibrating eggs or bullets. Handcuffs/Shackles, Breast/Nipple Clamps. (Note: ALL posters sampled used some of these devices, most them quite regularly.  This is another indication of the self-selection process of this population.  It is not your average women.)

Activities

Urolagnia (Water Sports/Urine), Bondage, Spanking, Threesomes, Slave/Master, Cross Dressing, Making Home "Movies", Participating in Erotic Photography, Torture, Sexual experience, Physical attraction, Same/similar fetishes, Experience in a certain role (top/bottom; master/slave), Ability to be discreet, Open to ménage a trois and/or orgies,  Willingness to freely discuss and try anything, Agreeable to a commitment free sexual relationship, Creativity/Kinkiness level, etc.  

Discussion 

Due to the approach of summer vacation, the study was terminated before a full statistical analysis could be made. A full, formal study of this subject will need to be undertaken by others—and probably not by a Boston-based team.  Even within the academic community, Boston is not yet ready to study thoroughly this type of "Forbidden Knowledge." 

The tenor of the researchers' sense of the study began as a rigorous experiment, but soon degenerated into a feeling it had become a treatise on “How to get Laid.” Due to the subject matter, the young male students were not able to maintain a proper professional reserve.  The sexual tinge that washed over them while classifying the sample list of women posters was all too evident. Students would hover over the photos of particularly zaftig posters, particularly when body parts were on display, and read with rapt attention the women’s often long dissertation of how they wanted to be treated and what they were looking for in a man.  

It should be clear that men and women “trigger” differently to sexual situations. Most men have hair triggers, getting turned-on at the slightest (or no) provocation. The most obvious provocation is the slight of women’s breasts. The women on AFF have discovered this (although feminists still seem puzzled and angry at this revelation).  Two-thirds of the first 60 women posters showed photos that revealed their breast size whether clothed or naked. (See clothed example below.)  More than two-thirds of these did not show their faces.

(Of course, only a small percentage of women display photos at all. Those that do would seem to be the most anxious to find a partner.) 

Thus one can assume that this same small percentage of women who advertise their physical wares are among those that are most sexually obsessed. All of the above sample (60) are “Gold Members,” i.e., they pay $29.95/mos to have their photos placed first in line for any search, and be able to themselves search and specify (filter) to the greatest depth and particularly.  These easily turned-on women seem to comprise about 10% of the AFF posters, almost equally divided between straight and lesbian posters.

It is clear that the AFF site examined is comprised of women with one of two motives: Those--the Gold & Silver paying members--who are actively seeking men; and the Standard (free) members who are are there hoping to be found by Gold and Silver male members. The Actives & the Passives. There is a small population who just enjoy talking dirty with a man over the telephone, describing in exquisite detail what they would do if ever they should meet--which will never happen..

Given the sexual dynamics of men and women, it is easy to see the overriding dark cloud of this sex partner search engine activity: Most women will engage in sexual activity with a man they believe they have a chance of ensnaring in a permanent relationship. But most men want sex without any Long Term Relationship—and this must include a very large number of married men--given the strident warnings posters put up against their solicitation. But, as we learned, married men receive almost no responses, so there is a strong impetus for them to lie about their marital status in order to obtain free sex. So many women have obviously been taken advantage of in this regard (showing that married men routinely lie shamelessly for sex). Thus, a bitter, angry strain runs through many of the female posts, reflecting the devious nature of the many married men they have met, all consorting under false colors.

A number of our researchers found AFF browsing highly addictive. Even when they had a sex partner with whom they were completely satisfied, they found it enjoyable (and spent an hour or so a day) cruising the boards, offering themselves for consideration to potential prospects, only to turn them down when their qualifications did not measure up to their present partners'. They described the lure as that of a "sex with strangers" compulsion, or "fantasex"--virtual sex with no smells, no low-brow accent, no bad taste in clothing, and no awkwardness--and especially no fear of failure to function!

Finally, some of the same very attractive women keep posting, year after year, even after having received what must be thousands of replies. What are those women actually looking for (and will they ever find it)? Or is the sexual titillation of the hunt all they are after?  All-in-all, a very strange business. 

NNNN [End of article]
__________________________________________________________

COMMENTARY

May 07: Exculpatory Testimony

My wife and I were on AFF for several years and had several good experiences meeeting couples and single women. However, we recently got off as we found a much better site that makes an effort to validate the authenticity of members (unlike AFF!).

Although AFF has a lot of dubious practices -- deceiving and deceitful banner ads, numerous fake ads, escorts pretending they are not, etc, there are some attractive and genuine people on the site.

I think the author limited the value of the article by focusing only on AFF. Most of the "vanilla" dating sites such as Match.com, salon.com, eharmony, etc have turned into sex sites. I know plenty of men who are on Match for the sole reason of sleeping with lots of women.

The author spent a lot of time analyzing the content of the ads, when in fact, we found the ad copy rarely represents the person; whether on a swinger/sex site or a match.com type site. We have plenty of anecdotes to back this up so now we'd much rather meet people at parties and try to qualify them by their ads.

[.......................]

Further, people who enjoy sex are not addicts or nymphomaniacs. Nymphomania is an outdated (i.e. no longer in the DSM-IV) clinical term for someone who has frequent sex but remains unsatisfied. The author would have to actually talk to the proclaimed nymphomaniac in order to determine whether he/she enjoys sex frequently or is "hypersexualized".

"Thus one can assume that this same small percentage of women who advertise their physical wares are among those that are most sexually obsessed"

Obsessed? Bullshit. If you actually asked the owner of the photos, you might have found that after a while, they just don't care what others think and have become comfortable enough with themselves to put pictures up. When we first started, we obscured our faces. After five years, we don't care if others find out. In fact, people tried to embarrass my wife at work when they found her on baycouples.com (horrible site). She responded with, "Yes, my husband and I are on there. We've had lots of fun. If you have any questions, feel free to ask." What could they say to that?

If you really want to do some research, Try attending one of the classier swinger/lifestyle conventions. If you don't know enough about the community, then I'm sure you are laughing at the seeming oxymoron of "classy swinger". You might be surprised.

CAUTION MARRIED AFF USERS  

AFF users--especially married men seeking "a discreet relationship"-- must be acutely cautious of the scams being perpetrated by a few unsavory AFF subscribers.   Just imagine: a lonely sex-starved house wife posts that she is not getting satisfaction from her husband anymore, and wants to talk with some who will get her excited and whom she can excite with lascivious suggestions. Our team followed up one such operator.  (“Touch me, I'm wet”)  Here are the clues and what to watch out for: 

1. Their profile will be very short and devoid of details but hinting at dark desires:

My Ideal Person:
"Someone who will spend time with me talking about how to satisfy each other sexually. Erotic chat, while you show me what is going on with your body. Make me touch you! " 

Note the drill: First she'll give you something--hot chat; then you give her something in return--photographic or video evidence of your lust-crazed body.  In other words, she wants to arouse you with hard-to-prove chat, and then collect hard evidence to threaten to show your wife. 

2. She’ll first see if you’re married (otherwise less blackmail possibilities). But she’ll volunteer that she prefers married guys!  

3. She will contact you and suggest you "talk" on her personal Instant Messaging.  Note, you could talk over the phone, but that would require some good acting ability. IM let's "her" be anyone, even a "he." And she can be IM-ing more than one rube at a time. When she was told the user only had AOL and not Yahoo IM, she adroitly volunteered that she also had AOL! (How many lonely housewives have two Internet providers?) 

4. Then you’ll get her "performance.” Here she'll spend five minutes or so suggesting what she wants you to do to yourself (and what she’d like to do to you if only you were together).  Oh how exciting this is for her. Oh, how hot she's getting. All the while she will be making lascivious suggestions that, when you examine them in cold light, are nothing less than her asking you to provide incriminating evidence of your philandering to someone you have no idea who she is.  But they know you. Send her a photo of your erect member; send her a video of you masturbating. “What would your wife say if she knew what you are doing--tee-hee?” is the crux question that tells you you are shortly to become mincemeat.  

Finally, some are full time sex-workers (formerly known as prostitutes). God bless them--at least they are honest about their trade. And some are merely crafty gold-diggers.  "Friends with benefits" is a tell-tale you want to investigate carefully. Drive 65 miles to meet your lonely housewife, only to find she demands a "benefit"--right upfront after the first feel. 

In the final analysis, the sex business attracts many different types of people. Some are hungry for sex and love. AFF can really be of help to some of them. The AFF system works really well in letting the subscriber winnow-down a selection of prospects from the millions that are seeking sex, love and spouses.   Some subscribers are devious crooks, which the sex (and cash) business attracts like flies. AFF tries to keep the crooks out, but in a free forum, that is clearly impossible. Caveat emptor! (Let the buyer beware.)

• A major clue as to who is a professional and who is not is the content of their pitch. Ask yourself (when you are not aroused) why any 40-year old woman with fabulous breasts would offer them to everyone to play with--for free.  Is that a realistic offer?  If the offer is too good to be true....  (But who is listening when all the blood has run out of your big head.) ("God gave man two heads and only enough blood to run one at a time."  --Robin Williams)
   
• Here is a San Jose Mercury News article on AFF and Andrew Conru, 11 Nov 06.  http://www.mercurynews.com/mld/mercurynews/business/15899851.htm#recent_comm
   
• Here is a 1 mar 06 Wall Street Journal article on AFF: http://online.wsj.com/public/article/SB114113606338885286-xmwFPVzXQvoOl_nCLI3ZwK0W2g0_20070228.html?mod=tff_main_tff_top
   
• Here is some more AFF commentary by subscribers: http://www.edatereview.com/011027displayreviews.aspx
   
• Jan 07 Note: Going over the numbers, the study group discovered one way in which the AFF subscriber numbers are inflated. The total number of subscribers given for any State may be technical correct because subscriptions are free, and once a person loses interest, she can just walk away. Two-thirds of them have! Two-thirds of all subscribers have not visited the AF site in 3 months or more!  In Massachusetts only 32% of 46-year-old women seeking men have visited the site in the past month or less.  In New York, only 35% did.

************************************************************************************

One reader complains that AdultFriendFinder (AFF) seems to take a very cavalier attitude towards charging your credit card. She signed up for one month only using her credit card.  She then turned-off the credit card renewal feature and, for an unrelated reason, changed her credit card number. Imagine her dismay upon being automatically notified by AFF that her credit card had been turned down for automatic renewal! (See Rip-Off.com for a listing of similar complaints against AFF. But recognize from the hysterical complaints on RipOff that some of these people say more about themselves than about AFF.) Why is everything that has to do with sex ALWAYS tainted by shady characters and their shady business practices?  The best solution: Send them a check or a money order. Make them come to you for a renewal request.

Jan 07 Another cautious AFF surfer notes that when he signed up for the  free AFF service, he was sent periodic thumbnail sketches of exactly the type of person he was looking for--and from right near-by. 

Here is one:

donnamcky 47 year old woman from Waltham, Massachusetts.
"Married with older children. Not happy but, i'm not looking for love just fun. I can be very funny, caring and fun to be with with the right man. I have a strong sex drive and can go again and again."

Sounds really enticing, doesn't it? Unfortunately, you have to subscribe for $19.95/mos to be able to find out more about her, or contact her. The the real problem was when, as a subscriber, he did a search for all 47-year old women in Massachusetts, donnamcky's name did not appear.  Nor did any of the other 5 perfect matches sent to him by AFF. Thus is no minor error--this is simple fraud. AFF is deliberately baiting its free customers with completely fraudulent descriptions of women who don't exist, in order to get them to spend money with the company.  (And you want to send them your credit card info?)

Roy of Chicago writes in a RipOff Report (4/11/2006) http://badbusinessbureau.com/reports/ripoff186025.htm

Here is some solid evidence that adultfriendfinder is a total rip-off. There are multiple profiles with the exact same wording to describe the person and the type of person they're looking for. Here's some examples;

18 year old Woman in Topeka, Kansas, United States

Profile for greeneyedgirl44

"I'm 18 years old and I attend University Of Kansas. I love the social scene but lately its been getting lame. See I have a wild side that I'm afriad to show to my regular peers. I guess you can say I'm kinda a closet freak. Well me and my boyfriend broke up about 5 months ago, and well lets just say I've found a part of me that I just want to let out. I'm looking for someone that can fulfill my sex drive. I'm sort of a nymph, I love giving head and taking it up the ass until he cums in my mouth, I also like recieving it. Well if you think you can handle my sex drive and make me cream send me your e/m/a/i/l add. do to me being just a standard member and I'll be sure to get back to you! "

18 year old Woman in Raleigh, North Carolina, United States

Profile for chasedacat18
 
"I'm 18 years old and I attend University Of NorthCarolina. I love the social scene but lately its been getting lame. See I have a wild side that I'm afriad to show to my regular peers. I guess you can say I'm kinda a closet freak. Well me and my boyfriend broke up about 5 months ago, and well lets just say I've found a part of me that I just want to let out. I'm looking for someone that can fulfill my sex drive. I'm sort of a nymph, I love giving head and taking it up the ass until he cums in my mouth, I also like recieving it. Well if you think you can handle my sex drive and make me cream send me your email add. and I'll be sure to get back to you! "

All I did was copy and paste these two examples. The only item AFF changed was the city, state and the university they allegedly attended. [Ed note: Spelling mistakes and all!]  Other profiles I found were;

horneysex_slave4u, giveittomehard06, bubblegum_girlto,
lastoneupsa_06, orlajani8, cumgiveit2me2, cumfiesta15,
lilbiteurr18, getwiththis09, guiltynplsr18, tightbackdoor10, numphomatic2006.

They're all from different states and from what I can gather, AFF set's up a fictitious account in each state with the exact same profile. I figure this is grounds for a class action law suit for misrepresentation to the public.

[Ed. Note: I wish people could control their emulsions! Just because there is a lot of deceptive goings-on does not mean that AFF is "a total ripoff." It is a sex operation with its attendant high level of sleaze. Anyone venturing into any sex-tinged situation is going to find an abundance of that--so don't act so surprised, and don't exaggerate. (These type of complaints remind me of the liberal moans that "the President lied" about weapons of mass destruction.  No matter how often you point out to them that EVERYONE believed those intelligence reports, that sound-bite phrase is far too delicious to relinquish just because it's totally false.)]

A reader from Miami writes: Putting numbers on it. I've been on AFF on and off for several years now.  I hook up with someone, we have fun, it burns out and then I'm back again to find another playmate. Being an accountant, I recently did a study of the distribution of the women I was interested in.  Here's what came out:

First, I cruised through everyone within 50 miles who was in my age range (I'm 56. so that was women from 46 to 66.) I "Hot-Listed all of the potential candidates. Then I went through my hot list and noted the key statistics of each prospect.  For me these are their marital status, chest size and education ("Some high school" doesn't cut it for me.) But the really key stat is marital status. I've found that not one woman in a hundred who is single, divorced, or separated will have anything to do with a married man.

Out of the 141 women who I wouldn't mind hooking up with, 61% were single, divorced or separated--which means 86 of them were off my chart.

11% would take on anyone--married, single, young, old. Long term or short--or they were only interested in groups or couples.

19% or 27 out of the 141 were married women looking for "afternoon delights," as one of them put it. 7 were avowed lesbians and 6 had their profiles turned off. It was the married women I was after.  "Discreet meetings" is the byword here.

The kicker was that a fair number (half?) of the 141 women who looked so enticing, were no longer contactable; they had come and gone, and AFF kept their profiles up as "standard members" even though they hadn't visited in 3 months.

My results on the latest foray: three of the 27 available married women returned my invitations for contact. And one obvious ringer tried to suck me into something or other. Probably a "blackmail the married man" scheme. That's not a bad average, and worth the three-week effort to send each of them a personalized email.

Dr. R.W. of Atlanta writes: "A recent NY Times article mentioned that 1 pregnant woman in 4 in the U.S. suffers from genital Herpes--an incurable, but generally minor sexually transmitted disease.  That's the national average.  Imagine what the the incidence must be among the sexually hyperactive population advertising on AFF.  Most of these regulars claim to be "Disease free and tested regularly." But why would anyone test himself for Herpes or any incurable disease? And why would anyone who has such a disease tell a potential sex partner, only to get turned down?  If your life revolves around sex, as it seems to for the AFF crowd, catching Herpes is probably the cost of the sport. But imagine you want to dip your toe in (or some other member).  Imagine then the trauma of having to explain your new genital sores and warts to your boy/girl friend or spouse. Far safer, if you are plagued by episodes of uncontrollable lust, is to utilize the services of Madam Palm and her five lovely daughters. (She's guaranteed "disease free.")  [Ed note: Just look at the long list of questions on which sexually transmitted diseases you can check off as having in the profile section!]

A.C. of Boston comments: "My take on the attractive women who post month after month is that they are not looking for sex partners at all. Rather, they are getting their jollies by parading their wares and seeing how many attractive men they can still charm to nibble at the bait. It's like the attractive woman you meet at a bar. You buy her drinks, you flirt, you have a real good time.  Then she empties her third drink and primly goes home.  You gave her all she wanted--some ogling and a little sympathetic attention--thank you very much.

A reader from Georgia says: "I love my wife, but she is only moderately interested in sex, maybe once or twice a week (we're in our early 40's) and she is a 34B. I have dreamed and lusted, for years of making it with a slender woman with a 36D chest. 

So I found one on AFF and gave it a whirl. Well, the foreplay, while we still had our clothes on was great. And the initial love-making in bed was very exciting.  But you know what?  After about three times, her big tits were much less noticeable than her personality--which wasn't half that of my old lady's!  And I felt so guilty about what I was doing, I had to take the blue pill to keep it up. (And I even brought rubbers and didn't use them!)

Unmarried sex is blind and initially fun.  but then it becomes--how to say it--BORING AND SCARY. But what a revelation to wake up to the realization that no matter how attractive this big-boobed babe was, it's only sex.  It only makes up about 5% of a relationship. And if the other 95% isn't there, the thrill quickly droops.

So while I know this is not a popular idea, I finally scratched the itch and got it out of my system--and I'm glad I did. (And thank God I don't think I caught anything.)" 

 Here is an interesting summation from R.S. of San Jose: 

I am a mid-30s bachelor who is somewhat sex-obsessed. There is nothing I like better than getting laid by a new chick. Although I see nothing wrong with marriage for other guys, given my life style of serial sex partners, it would be a disaster for me. I have slept with at least 100 different women in the past 10 years. Each one had to be wooed, and to me, the hunt is a big part of the thrill. Given the varying circumstances under which I have bedded them, I thought your readers investigating AFF (who are looking for the same thing) might find my experiences instructive. 

First-off, let me say I have tried Adult Friend Finder (AFF) twice, over a period of 4 months each time.  When you do AFF, it is important as a man to spend enough time with it, because even with the good-looker women who really do want only to get laid, they are still ten times more cautious about doing so than men (and ten times fewer in number).  What I do as a matter of course upon meeting them, is show them my driver's license and a few other picture IDs. This sets them at ease that you are who you say you are (otherwise they remain suspicious and you can spend a lot of time fencing when you should be spending time scoring).  I give the recalcitrant prospects my home telephone number to prove I really am single.  As the article says, a lot of them have gotten burned by married men posing as single. And they've hear ALL the excuses about why you're not available on the weekend and ever in the evenings.  So, they are a doubly cautious lot, no matter how horny. Once you make contact with a likely prospect, remember that she will be as cautious as a feral cat. But take your time. For the most part, if you think you’re going to get laid the day after your AFF subscription starts, think again.  

Also, since most women are so much more sexually cautious (they get pregnant, not us), it seems to me to be far more effective to keep your pants on for the photos you publish. The guys who lead off with close-ups of their most precious (only?) asset will attract only the real bottom-feeders, but maybe that’s what they’re trolling for. It’s clear they really are proud of their cocks.

But to my mind, the overriding  reality of AFF is this: Why, if the woman is good-looking with fabulous boobs, does she need to advertise on AFF?  Why can’t she just go down to the local Starbucks wearing a tight sweater and a big smile?  There are several reasons

1. Maybe she isn't really trying to get laid. She just enjoys living in a sexual fantasy world where Prince Charming is always just around the corner—and always knocking on her door. But the live one staring her in the face has bad breath.

2. Or she really is a serial sex machine, and unlike like me, can’t ever get enough--at least from any one man. So she is forced to run through an ever-changing stable of eligibles month after month, year after year. How such a woman could still be disease-free would worry me.

3. But the most likely reason is that she is unattractive--usually fat or homely, or fat and homely.  Thus the close-up of her large boobs which barely disguise the surrounding rolls of fat. Or the whole body shot with the face missing. Remember, she chose the photo, and she'll never look better. If she looks dreary there, or trashy, wait'll you meet her in the flesh!

So no matter how charming you appear in your bio, as the big moment draws closer (your meeting each other in the flesh), your new Princess Charming may get cold feet and rush back to her computer to check out her latest fantasy sex partner. Some of those women—even the really gorgeous ones (e.g., Klass54)--have been on for years! Is she riffling through men like a gambler through a deck of cards? What do they do during the day?? I did meet a really nice woman who, after two afternoons of two-hours  of essentially nonstop fucking, she shyly asked if I would like to sleep over. She had had a powerful orgasm literally every five minutes, and just kept on ticking (I, of course, didn't)--and still she wanted more. What one man could ever measure up?

Nevertheless, I have done OK on AFF, meeting women outside my town who wanted—eventually—to get down to brass tacks. Hell, I’ve had a few email me and we got lucky on the first date—but they were generally the really hard-up—dogs or heavily overweight. (Once turned on by their hand on my parts, even their lesser caliber didn't stop me.) There are a lot of very heavy women on AFF. And a lot of these are very short.)  But the effort to land the attractive ones was no less than I expend finding some one locally—but took longer.  By chasing the local babes I spent a lot less driving-around. 

BTW, the most important pretense to maintain with the AFF women (all women, actually) is always to insist you are not there primarily for the sex--oh, no--but to just enjoy being with them. And what is attractive about them is not their zaftig bosom--oh, no.  It’s their mind, it’s their charm, it’s their “special-ness.” Whatever. And although sex is real important, it's actually the last thing on your mind. But, oh, hey, if it happens, well, oh, what a pleasant surprise, but, yeah, you’re happy to accommodate. (Of course there are some real hard-core female sex maniacs on AFF. But, as attractive as that sounds when I'm horny, I get cold feet when I consider what I might be getting into. Standing in line has never been a turn-on for me.)

Anyway, I finally didn’t renew with AFF, getting all I can handle right here in my town/city, and on the road (I travel a lot). One of the real thrills is that I now have a married girlfriend in two cities I visit 2-3 times a year. Both are delighted to hear from me when I get into town. (I always give them advance notice). As far as her boring husband is concerned, she’s going out on the town with the girls to see a movie and have some drinks and extensive girl-talk. As far as we’re concerned, I take her to nice restaurant—always at least 30 minutes out of her town—and then we have a wonderful fuckfest in my hotel room. It’s a great change for both of us, and, since we have become old friends, really very pleasant.  Afterwards we kiss fondly goodbye and I give her cab fair. Yes, it’s a wonderful life!

TTL of Racine writes:  I Googled "Adult dating" and came up with a number of sites claiming to be studies rating the different sex sites.  I checked some of these studies out--ALL of them (present company excluded!) were fake studies designed to send readers to a particular site. One such study claimed that after a thorough comparison, SexSearch.com actually offered more real prospects than AdultFriendFinder. Did it? Not by a long shot. Thus, not only do these sites pad their subscriber lists with fake bios, they also write fake reviews of their efficacy. Phew--the sex business sure attracts a weird caliber of management.

A reader from Texas writes: I met a total of ten women via AFF.  Here are the two big issues I have with these people based on this experience. First, none of the women looked very much like their photos which all seemed to have been taken at least 5 years ago, and sometimes easily 10 years ago. And second, I think I've discovered a new female tactic--the predatory divorcee. Three of the women I met who claimed in their profile that they were married were actually divorced, separated or intending to get divorced (as soon as they found a better meal ticket). Since I stated I was married, I suspect that they were attempting to blackmail their way into my life, either by wooing me and hoping to get me to divorce my wife (fat chance).  Or getting the goods on me and then more or less trying to force me to do the same thing. In one of those cases, it got real ugly--screaming fights, etc.

From San Francisco:

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[Advert: If you can't get the real thing from AFF, at least get the fabulous fantasy from this erotic (all right--pornographic) masterpiece!] 

Roald Dahl on Viagra, June 12, 2005   Reviewer: T. Holzel (Boston, MA) - See all my reviews    When the NY Times runs a 2/3rd page article on the sex book industry (6/7/05), can a resurgence of erotic stories be far behind? T. Martin Woody's "Whileaway" seems to have caught the wave with 5 delicious short stories ranging from the merely ribald to the hilariously pornographic. Unlike most porn, which exhibits all the finesse of car crash, Woody's stories are not only clever-they have actual plots-but the frenetic sex occurs as the natural outcome of the always twisted story lines. (Roald Dahl's "Kiss-Kiss" comes to mind.) The two stories of greatest interests to the target audience ("men, ages 18-80") are "Monika," a sweet, torrid lesbian coming of age encounter of an exquisitely dressed older woman with a young girl at a Baltic beach resort, and "The Nun." The latter is an engineer's damp dream as a make believe psychiatrist cleverly bamboozles an earnest Nun sent by her diocese to attend a religious conference on martial intimacy. The Nun may be innocent, but she is no fool. The piece de resistance is a 17,000-word "pornovella" called "The short happy life of Harry A. Winston." Franz Kafka wrote "The Metamorphosis" in which the subject awakes one morning to find that he has been turned into a beetle. In "Short Happy Life," the hero is a flabby 44-year old illustrator who has been turned into a 17-year old boy. The title is a reference to the "The short happy life of Francis MacComber" by Ernest Hemingway. That tale is about a coward who goes on African Safari with his cheating wife. For one glorious split second as an elephant charges him, he finally overcomes his fear and shoots it, just as his wife shoots him. Woody's 44-year old protagonist remains a 17-year old a little longer-a full week. Long enough to live out the life-long dream of every man-to return to high school as a youth, but with the mind of an adult. In this case a very randy adult. The twists and turns of this plot is exceeded only by the incredible series of escapades Harry enjoys in his one week culminating with a spectacular conjugation at the Senior Prom. I never knew high school romances could be so complicated-and so funny.